Parenting With Intention: Growing Through the Mud
Lotus flowers don’t grow in clear, calm water.
They grow in thick, murky mud.
They grow there because that’s where their roots get what they need. Anchored deep in nutrient-rich muck at the bottom of ponds and lakes, lotus plants draw strength from the mud while their long stems slowly rise, pushing through the water toward the light.
Those details matter—especially for parents raising children with big emotions and challenging behaviors. Parenting a child who struggles with regulation, impulsivity, anxiety, or intense reactions can feel like standing knee-deep in mud all day, every day. It’s messy, exhausting, and overwhelming.
And yet, this is where growth happens.
Not by removing the mud—but by learning how to grow through it.
This is where intention setting becomes an essential parenting tool.
The Mud: Understanding Challenging Behavior
The “mud” in parenting often shows up as:
meltdowns that seem to come out of nowhere
big reactions to small stressors
refusals, shutdowns, or aggression
moments where nothing you say seems to help
These moments can easily pull parents into survival mode. When the mud is thick, our attention naturally goes to stopping the behavior or getting through the moment as quickly as possible.
Here’s the thing, though: the mud isn’t the problem.
It’s what we can see, so it’s what we focus on—but just as we don’t always notice the nutrients in the mud where the lotus takes root, there’s far more beneath the surface of challenging behavior than what meets the eye.
From a nervous system perspective, these behaviors aren’t signs of defiance; they’re signs of overwhelm. Your child’s system is working hard just to stay afloat.
When we begin to recognize that the mud is more than just the squishy, frustrating mess, we can understand its purpose in a new way. Challenging behaviors serve a function. How we view and interpret “the mud” determines how we respond to it.
Intentions: The Root System Beneath the Surface
Intentions are like the roots of the lotus—deep, steady, and often invisible in the moment. You don’t see roots working, but they determine the direction of growth.
Parenting intentions aren’t about fixing behavior quickly. They’re about deciding, ahead of time, how you want to show up in the mud.
Some intentions for parents of emotionally intense children might be:
I will be a safe presence for my child.
I will focus on reducing escalation, not winning the moment.
I will prioritize connection.
I will stay grounded, even when things are hard.
When things get messy, intentions help you remember where you’re growing toward—even when the surface looks chaotic.
When Dysregulation Hits: Staying Rooted in the Mud
When a child is highly dysregulated, their nervous system is in survival mode. Reasoning, problem-solving, and consequences aren’t accessible yet. This is not the time for teaching—it’s the time for containment.
Intention setting helps parents pause and ask:
What does my child need right now to feel safer?
What response will help us move through this moment without sinking?
Grounding Yourself: How Parents Stay Standing
Lotus flowers don’t escape the mud. They grow anchored in it.
Grounding practices help parents do the same.
Pausing your body, slowing your breath, and naming an intention doesn’t make the mud disappear—but it helps you stay upright. When you regulate yourself, you become a stable point your child can lean on.
If “I will stay grounded, even when things are hard” is your intention, you might respond by saying, “I need a moment to take a breath so I can help you.”
The bonus: this models exactly what you want your child to learn over time.
Attention: The Sunlight
Roots alone aren’t enough. Lotus flowers also need light.
In parenting, attention is the light.
When all attention goes to what’s going wrong, everything can feel heavy and stuck—for both parents and children. Intentionally directing some attention toward:
moments of calming
attempts to cope
effort instead of outcome
repair after rupture
provides the light that supports growth.
Noticing and naming, “This feels hard, and I can see how hard you’re working,” matters more than it might seem.
Pause Phrases: Markers in the Mud
During dysregulation, too many words can feel overwhelming. Rather than helping a child calm, excess language or directives can become barriers to regulation.
Short, familiar phrases act like markers—something steady your child can recognize even when emotions are high.
Pause phrases might be:
“I’m here.”
“I can handle this with you.”
“You’re safe.”
“We’ll figure this out together.”
These don’t fix the mud. They remind your child they’re not alone in it.
Growth Takes Time—and That’s Okay
Lotus flowers don’t bloom overnight. And children don’t develop regulation skills in straight lines.
Progress often looks like:
meltdowns that pass a little faster
fewer power struggles
more repair after hard moments
a child seeking support instead of escalating further
The mud is still there—but the flower is growing.
Growing Through the Mud
If parenting feels heavy right now, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It may mean you’re exactly where growth is happening.
Intention setting isn’t about forcing change. It’s about tending the roots, choosing where to place your attention, and staying present through the mess.
Lotus flowers don’t grow despite the mud.
They grow because of it.
Looking for more support?
Contact to schedule a free 15 minute consult to see if therapy is right for you or your child.