Managing the Holidays: 10 Tips for Navigating the Holidays with Emotionally and Behaviorally Sensitive Kids
The holiday season is upon us — and while many may be decking the halls and leaning into growing excitement, this time of year can also bring dread, sadness, and overwhelm. If you’re in this boat, you’re not alone.
You may have already noticed that the holiday season brings an increase in meltdowns, shorter attention spans, and general chaos. If you have a child who experiences frequent emotional or behavioral dysregulation, the holidays can feel like adding kindling — and maybe even some lighter fluid — to an already warm fire. Add in extended family, and it can feel like you and your child are suddenly onstage for everyone to see (and judge, and offer opinions). And if that isn’t enough, feeling dread about the holidays can bring another layer of guilt:
Why can’t I feel the joy? Why can’t I tap into gratitude? Why am I feeling resentful?
The good news: there are ways to build in moments of success.
Here are 10 tips to help your family navigate the holidays with more calm, connection, and confidence.
1. Keep Routines Steady (or Steady-ish)
Kids who struggle emotionally often rely on consistency to feel grounded. This is especially true for kids (and, let’s be honest, adults too) who have difficulty maintaining boundaries. Routines provide structure, predictability, and a sense of safety.
During the holidays, schedules can go out the window, and days can feel incredibly long without school and extracurricular activities. Whenever possible, anchor the day with familiar routines: wake-up time, meals, downtime, and bedtime.
Consider creating a visual schedule and posting it where your child can easily see it. Each morning, preview the day ahead. When plans change, give your child a heads-up and share the new timeline.
2. Reduce Sensory Overload Before It Starts
Crowded houses, loud music, blinking lights, new smells and foods — together these can create a sensory storm. If you’ll be spending time at someone else’s house, pack comfort tools: noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, fidgets, a familiar blanket or stuffed animal.
Plan for breaks: a quiet room, a walk outside, or even a few minutes in the car. If you’re visiting others, let your host know your child might need a quiet space. It can be grounding to take a break with your child. Let them know they can step away anytime — no explanation required.
3. Let Go of Holiday Perfection
Kids don’t magically become more regulated because it’s the holiday season (wouldn’t that be nice?!). Usually the opposite is true.
Remind yourself that it’s completely ok if your child:
Doesn’t want to sit at the table
Skips group photos
Doesn’t want to hug relatives (give relatives a gentle heads-up)
Withdraws or needs breaks
You are the expert on your child. You might feel the pressure of perfection around extended family, but you ultimately know what does and doesn’t work. The holidays aren’t ruined if your child needs accommodations — they’re human.
4. Use Previews to Ease Anxiety
Kids feel safer when they know what to expect. Before any gathering, tell them who will be there, what the environment will be like, what activities are planned, and how long you expect to stay (or how long guests will be in your home).
If you’re going to someone else’s house, it’s absolutely ok to contact the host and ask for this information.
Younger kids may benefit from a visual schedule; older kids may prefer verbal previews. Start a few days ahead, and repeat the information the night before and the morning of. Repetition helps build containment and comfort.
5. Have an Exit Strategy (and Don’t Be Afraid to Use It)
Before you go anywhere, talk about how you’ll handle overwhelm. Create a signal your child can use if they need to leave or take a break. Let hosts know you may leave early.
The goal isn’t to force endurance — it’s to support your child’s nervous system. And remember: exits don’t need to look pretty. (We’re letting go of perfection, right?)
6. Validate and Co-Regulate
Holidays can trigger grief, anxiety, sensory overload, and social stress. When you notice heightened feelings in yourself, remind yourself that this is normal.
Then validate how your child feels before trying to redirect. It might sound like:
“This is feeling really stressful. It makes sense that you’re upset. I’m here with you.”
Validation calms the nervous system and helps kids feel understood instead of ashamed.
Remind your child of their break options and join them if needed. You might even share your own feelings:
“I’m feeling overwhelmed too. Want to come with me while I take a break?”
Kids borrow our calm — not an easy task during a meltdown, especially with an audience. Try slow, audible breathing. It calms your own nervous system and models a calming strategy for your child.
7. Build in “Nothing Time”
The holidays can feel like a marathon of events.
Protect downtime fiercely: unstructured play, quiet reading, or low-pressure screen time.
Kids regulate best when they have space to decompress.
8. Focus on One or Two Non-Negotiables
Decide what truly matters this year — one gathering, a meaningful tradition, or making a batch of holiday cookies together. Let everything else be optional.
You don’t need to do all the things for the holidays to be meaningful. If it helps, make a list of your usual holiday activities and rank them by importance. A visual can make it easier to let go.
9. Remember the Hidden Stressors
Behavior often worsens when:
Sleep is disrupted
Sugar intake is higher
Transitions multiply
Expectations feel unclear
Extra people are around (and commenting)
Kids feel watched or judged
The holidays are full of these stressors. This is where validation matters — for both you and your child:
“We went to bed late last night. It makes sense that you’re feeling this way.”
Expect these stressors to show up, and be extra gentle with yourself when things feel tough.
10. Take Care of You, Too
Your well-being matters just as much as your child’s. You can’t pour from an empty reservoir, and co-regulation takes a tremendous amount of energy.
Here are some quick, accessible self-care strategies that can take one minute or less:
A slow, deep breath
A glass of cold water
A neck or shoulder stretch
Massaging your temples
Giving yourself a compliment
These might feel insignificant, but they add up.
Final Thoughts
It’s more than ok to prioritize your family’s needs, even if that means saying no to relatives or letting your child eat three dinner rolls and nothing else. Your job isn’t to create a picture-perfect holiday; it’s to create one that fits your family.
By protecting routines, planning for breaks, and letting go of perfection, you’re setting your child up for success — and giving yourself a fighting chance to get through the season without fantasizing about disappearing.
Celebrate the wins, even the tiny ones. Survived the family dinner? Victory. Drank one glass of water? Nailed it. Remembered to pack the noise-canceling headphones? Honestly, give yourself a medal.
You and your child are doing your best in a season that demands far too much from everyone. And that is more than enough.